Tuesday, July 5, 2011

LONG-HAIRED LAD
LETS IT ALL HANG OUT
SHAGGY LOCKS GET LOCALS
MOVING, GROOVING

NORMALLY UNDERSTATED student Jeff Abel went from mild to wild in under thirty seconds last night after unleashing his bountiful locks in a public display of long hair. Abel, who normally keeps his hair bound in a tight samurai-style top knot amazed onlookers when he revealed long, luscious hair that extended to waist-level.

"It's always just grown," Abel said. "I haven't cut it in six years. Well, I've cut the bottoms, but rarely. My mother says I need to clean it up, though."

Asked if the Italian weather plays havoc with the Florida-based longhair's mane, Abel responded that it sometimes did: "It's less humid here," he told me. "I find my hair doesn't have as much volume some days."

"I love it!" exclaimed student Brittany Taylor as Abel unfurled his locks and twirled them to and fro in the cool summer breeze. "It almost touches his booty!" she cried in delight.

"It's great," agreed student Dianne Conlee. "Jeff's the most individualistic man on this program, and that's a good thing."

Lab tech Darcy Caputo found that Abel's thick, opulent hair reminded him of New Jersey rocker Jon Bon Jovi. "Jeff could be a member of Bon Jovi's band," Darcy told hangers-on.

Abel was not impressed. "For all the mouthing off Darcy does, that's the best insult he could come up with?" he asked, shaking his head.

"It's no insult," was Darcy's comeback. "I just read in Forbes that they're the third richest band in the world after U2 and Elton John."

Whatever the case, Abel admits his days of long hair may soon be up. "I'll cut it eventually," he said. "And when I do, I want to donate it to Locks of Love." Asked when said mop might be chopped, Abel was evasive. "It could happen anytime," he told me with a wicked smile. "Could be three years, could be three months."

As Abel piled the luxurious 'do back onto the top of his head, student Dianna Stratton smiled and noted in satisfaction: "Jeff wraps it up pretty tight."

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